*Encouragement is the best medicine to give someone. If I were to pick any gift to have in helping others, that would be the one*

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Aggressive Behavior Towards Siblings

Question: I am needing some help. Andrew is becoming increasingly aggressive at home. We have no problems with it at school only at home. He has been viciously attacking Kendall with no predictive behaviors. He can be laughing one minute then smacking, kicking, dragging, or attacking Kendall. We don't know what else to do. We have tried time outs, attempted to find out what triggers the behaviors,etc. He is also becoming increasingly destructive and defiant. I just don't know what to do. Any words of advice?

My ideas on it: I totally understand how you feel. My son went through this for a few years. I am trying to jog my memory back. I remember that sometimes when he was feeling aggressive I would keep him by my side and ask him to be my buddy for a bit. If I was doing laundry, I'd have him tag along around the house with me and help me. Sometimes I'd literally have to hold him in a bear hug for a bit till he stopped kicking and fighting. I would talk really, really calm. Almost like unwinding him. Also, I lately earmuffs has been working and weighted vests to calm him down. When I was really desperate, I would put him in a chair with coloring stuff, relaxing piano music playing and put a seatbelt over waiste. Like in a car but at the dining room table. I remember in those days not getting very much done because I had to keep Chaz and his younger brother (only 12 mths younger than him) under my watchful eye at all times. It was easier for me to clean at night when they were sleeping. My son that is only 12 months younger is a total sweetheart and I had to fiercely protect him. Don't feel guilty about your house if this is the case! I still get more work done at night than in the day. Once your son is in school, they also will really work with you (if you get the right school) and help your son.  I felt helpless so many times. But you ARE helping him and it's just crazy for you right now. I promise that as he matures, these behaviors will change also. At that age they act out more physically. Chaz's teacher taught him to use his words rather than hit. Then I would encourage it at home too. When he wanted to hit, instead he learned to say "I am VERY angry!" Now he rarely hits. He is still aggressive but mostly with wrestling rather than hitting. I have 6 kids but he's learned to only wrestle the older boys and not the little ones. :) It's a rollercoaster ride of your life but just keep hanging on! It'll get smoother as he learns how to handle his aggression.Hope this helps!

*Feel free to add your experience and/or suggestions in the comments!  


dsrehunt said...

We have the same problem with our 7yrd daughter. She is fine at school and explosive at home with her sister and even her father and I have been hit. We have tried lots of things too. What works 80% of the time is the 3 to 1 countdown. once 1 is said her currency (toy, tv, computer) is lost for a day. She dislikes loosing privileges and when she hears the count she will pull herself away from the engaged problem. This only works with consistence and follow through.

DesignerMom1956 said...

My 13 year old boy, ADHD and Learning Disorder, 28 week old preemie, rages at home.....I talked to the Psychiatrist and he prescibed Intuniv..which works like a dream!! witin 15 minutes he is calm!

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