*Encouragement is the best medicine to give someone. If I were to pick any gift to have in helping others, that would be the one*

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mom Confesses 'Why I Don't Like My Child' in Magazine

Every now and then I run into an interesting article and want to share to get your thoughts on it.  Experiences?  I'm not trying to judge this lady.  Is it possible she suffered Post Partum Depression?  

It might be the most damning thing a mother can utter: "I've never liked my child."

But in a column in the current issue of Redbook magazine, a woman, writing under the assumed name of Jennifer Rabiner, says she was "basically repelled by my own child."

A mother of two girls, Rabiner, 41, continued to keep her identity hidden in an interview with "Today."

"I thought that she would be vivacious and smart and loving and make intense eye contact," she tells the show of her first daughter, called "Sophie" in the magazine. "That was just not what happened."

Rabiner tells "Today" Sophie was a difficult baby.

"She slept very poorly. She ate very poorly. She did not make eye contact," she tells the show. "She did not meet the milestones that all the books that I read indicated that she should be making at the various ages."

Not every baby develops at the same rate, but Rabiner tells "Today" she doesn't think her expectations were too high.

"I don't think it's too high an expectation to expect your child to meet your milestones -- her developmental milestones," she tells the show. "It's not too high an expectation to expect her to sleep, to expect her to eat, to expect her to interact." (Full article HERE)

I'm not sure what to think about this article.  I mean, I understand the frustration.  A kid not meeting milestones, not sleeping well, causing me a lot more work than I ever thought parenting required.  

Chaz did not potty train till 4 years old, didn't look me in the eye, didn't sleep well and still doesn't, had tummy issues, major eczema, etc.  

However, I loved him like crazy and he was still bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.  He's my boy.  He's still hard work for me 10 years later but I never favored any of my other kids over him.  Could it have been a pride issue?  I know moms tend to compare their kids to others and love to boast milestones.  That can be hard and I got moms harassing me about Chaz too.  I've had to learn that each kid is different and some even wildly different.  I guess I worry that some day that little girl will read this article about what her mom said.  What will she think?  


farnsworthfive said...

Wow, that is really sad. I can not imagine feeling that way about my child.

Gavin Bollard said...

While it's a very sad thing, there's no denying that sometimes when your child has done something really, really terrible, you can sometimes get depressed enough to believe that you feel this way.

It's an understandable "heat of the moment" feeling.

Feeling that way long term indicates a clear problem where the damaged relationship is not in the parent's or child's best interests.

We could all suggest that she says the politically correct "nice things" but if that would be lying, it wouldn't help anyone.

I applaud her honesty. This presumably isn't a mother who is "evil", just someone who needs a bit of help - maybe just someone to talk to.

There are a lot of mothers (and fathers) in that position but most are too obsessed with being politically correct to be honest with themselves.

I hope she (and Sophie) gets some assistance. It's not necessarily the failure of the parent, it could be the failure of society as a support network.

Karen said...

How very sad....gotta wonder what's in her background that she has such expectations for her child...that she is entitled to a "perfect/textbook" child.

MommyKuehner said...

This is very sad. I sometimes feel depressed after we come home from Park Days and have been emotionally hit by the fact that our kids are different, but to say I don't like them....NEVER!!! They are our Boys!!! And I'm their cheerleader through whatever they try, whether it's running with their basketball team at State Competition or just trying to remember whether that is a nickel or a dime. I was blessed with them!

Modern Mom Redefined ((Kelsi)) said...

Horrible!!! I mean, you just DON'T say things like that! Prime reason, your very last question: what will she think when she is old enough to read it? How devastating! My mom has never liked me, AND went public with it?? That mom is a poor excuse for a human. Let alone a mother. It's not even her daughter's fault that she lacks a growth hormone and that keeps her "immature" if you will. Yet to judge her personally? I guess us moms with kids on the spectrum can take this pretty hard. I get what she's saying, but the things I do for Cay makes me love him even more, not less. And I'm telling you after getting literally NO sleep last night with Cay (he's sick and was up ALL night). But is this his fault? Is Autism is fault? Seizures? Totally not. Sad world we live in where this would even be considered to be published. Yuck.

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