*Encouragement is the best medicine to give someone. If I were to pick any gift to have in helping others, that would be the one*

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Is a Good Life Too Much To Ask For?

Chaz (right) playing on my phone
When I first found out Chaz had Aspergers at 6 years old I thought, "Well, maybe somehow he'll pull out of it."  That was my deep hearts desire.  I still had some denial.  Not for selfish reasons because I didn't want my little boy to grow up with any struggles.  5 years later I see that it's just as prevalent and it just changes as he ages.  His struggles are different as he has learned to contain some behaviors.  About 2 months ago I just broke down crying.  I see his OCD, Aspergers, and ADHD really strong at times.  I see how he talks in long run-on sentences and can't change the subject.  I see how he can't fall asleep at night because he can't turn his active mind off.  I see how he's sad he has no friends.  Still.  I don't know.  It just breaks a mommy's heart. I'm glad his body is healthy.  He can run, play, ride a bike, kick a ball, play an instrument, walk, skip.  I guess I just want to know that someday he will fall in love and she will love him back.  That she'll love him even though he doesn't always listen well.  That he might be hard to peel from the computer.  I hope she knows how much he loves her even though it seems like he loves other things more.  I know he really will care.  I hope he won't tell her how big her butt is if she's putting on some weight. I hope he'll understand he doesn't have to say everything he thinks in his mind.  I want to be a grandma to his kids, a mother-in-law to his wife, a mom that still is always there.  I just want to see him enjoy all aspects of life.  Is that too much to ask for?

5 comments:

Karen said...

With a 4-year-old undiagnosed with anything but obviously having issues...what I want to know is, will he understand someday that his brain works differently and will he be able to accept it and work with it. Will he be able to self-modify in order to be the great person he is when he is "in-sync"....

jmissner said...

I know how you feel, but chances are that his strengths as an Aspie will compensate for his weaknesses. I also have a son with AS who is now in 9th grade. Now that he is in high school, he can finally realize that his great memory is an asset in life. He is getting straight A's and his peers are starting to see that he is a smart kid... maybe a little odd, but smart. Twenty years ago, kids with AS were not diagnosed as having it... often they were smart kids who where not understood and were often labeled as deliquents because of their behavior. At least today we can recognize what causes that antisocial behavior and can work around it and find ways to encourage them and not discourage them. My husband very likely has AS, but back in the 70's he was just a troubled child. He used to often skip school so that he could read at the library... he loved to read and didn't much like his peers and his parents didn't understand why he was so different from their other kids. He used to get into a lot of trouble. He ended up succeeding in life, despite the troubled upbringing, mainly because he just understood computers at a time when not very many people did. He is the most loyal husband EVER, and we have been together for 23 years. Yes, at times we have disagreements and it is frustrating when he only looks at a situation from a rational perspective, when I am purely emotional, but for the most part we complement each other and keep each other in check.
Don't worry and just try to encourage!

Accidental Expert said...

It's not too much to ask at all. Keep hoping. My son will always have significant struggles, but when I think of where we started and where we are now, I have hope. I've also heard from many parents with older kids that things tend to level out a bit after adolescence. Hang in there!

BekLovesJeremy said...

until a little bit ago, I really didn't know much about AS. But my five year old son seems to have it. We haven't had him diagnosed yet. But he pretty much has all the behaviors and issues that are listed on most AS sites. It breaks my heart. I've cried a lot the last week, realizing what it is we are dealing with. I feel so lost and yeah... just sad about what his future might be. I WANT to help him, but I don't know where to start... I subscribed to your blog... but I'm wondering... do you have some sort of support group. in real life or in blog land... how do you stay strong and help you son?

Virginia (Jenny) said...

I started a support group on Facebook if you are interested. It's surprising how many signed up. I have my personal page, a group page, and then a fan page. People will talk on all 3 of them. I can't get on there often because I'm soooo busy but I think you'll really love it. Here are the links.

1.(fan page) http://www.facebook.com/Aspergermoms

2.(personal page) http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000641744031&sk=wall

3. (group) http://www.facebook.com/groups/244321327583/

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