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Chaz (right) playing on my phone |
When I first found out Chaz had Aspergers at 6 years old I thought, "Well, maybe somehow he'll pull out of it." That was my deep hearts desire. I still had some denial. Not for selfish reasons because I didn't want my little boy to grow up with any struggles. 5 years later I see that it's just as prevalent and it just changes as he ages. His struggles are different as he has learned to contain some behaviors. About 2 months ago I just broke down crying. I see his OCD, Aspergers, and ADHD really strong at times. I see how he talks in long run-on sentences and can't change the subject. I see how he can't fall asleep at night because he can't turn his active mind off. I see how he's sad he has no friends. Still. I don't know. It just breaks a mommy's heart. I'm glad his body is healthy. He can run, play, ride a bike, kick a ball, play an instrument, walk, skip. I guess I just want to know that someday he will fall in love and she will love him back. That she'll love him even though he doesn't always listen well. That he might be hard to peel from the computer. I hope she knows how much he loves her even though it seems like he loves other things more. I know he really will care. I hope he won't tell her how big her butt is if she's putting on some weight. I hope he'll understand he doesn't have to say everything he thinks in his mind. I want to be a grandma to his kids, a mother-in-law to his wife, a mom that still is always there. I just want to see him enjoy all aspects of life. Is that too much to ask for?